STRESS MANAGEMENT & BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

“Man is the one who desires, woman the one who is desired. This is woman’s entire but decisive advantage. Through man’s passions, nature has given man into woman’s hands, and the woman who does not know how to make him her subject, her slave, her toy, and how to betray him with a smile in the end is not wise.” Didn’t Sacher-Masoch, answer all our questions?


Another wonderful submitted question in the group- submissive males and the Women who love them- group on FetLife
I love the idea of a man having to beg me for something they want. However in practice it usually turns me off because it comes across as fake or rehearsed. The most perfect begging I have ever seen was from a dog. He was sitting down but his eyes were locked to mine and his attention never wavered. He did that little booty scooting thing trying to get closer to his treat (bacon) but never really broke position. He also was drooling a little and whining but it was real low. He also had a little all over body tremble that really let me know how much he wanted that bacon. Now if a man could pull that off I think I would not be able to resist giving them what they wanted.


Why It Is Wise to Worship a Woman by Arjuna Ardagh

“A few days ago, after a particularly exquisite evening with my wife Chameli, I put this post up on Facebook before going to bed:

“I have had many, many great teachers in my life. A super abundance. No one and nothing comes close to the woman who is now asleep in the bedroom. My marriage has become the guru, the salvation, the muse, the crack through which the divine shines through.”

When I woke up the next morning, there were the usual offerings of people who liked the post as well as comments. One man had the vulnerability and courage to post this on facebook:

“Thank you Arjuna for this sharing, I feel like [I’m] in front of a choice which is between feeling envious of what you have and I don’t, or instead to decide that ‘I want that too,’ and, as you show, it is possible…”

I was touched.

Over the next days, I got several more messages like this from men: vulnerable men, honest men, rare and courageous men. They came in as private messages on Facebook or through our website, and they all said basically the same thing:

“I read your Facebook post. I want what you have. Show me how to get it.”

So, friends, here it is. The short guide on how to worship a woman, and why it’s the wisest thing that a man can do. First of all, lets pop a few very understandable doubts that you might have. I’m familiar with all of them.

1. “I’m wounded and damaged in my relationships to the feminine.”
So am I, dear brother, so am I. My parents divorced in a messy way when I was four. I grew up alone with my mother. She did her very best to provide for me, but she was unhappy and insecure. By the time I started to have relationships with women myself in my early teens, I discovered that I had a mountain of resentments, fears, and separation in my relation to the feminine. The conscious practice of worship can become a part of healing the wounds.

2. “Arjuna, you’re lucky. You’ve got an incredible partner. I’m together with a woman who’s not like Chameli.”

I really don’t have the ultimate answer to that doubt or question. It certainly could seem to be the case that I’ve been lucky in finding a great woman, but here’s how it happened for me. I’ve had a lot of less lucky connections in my life. I’ve experienced my share of the manipulative side of the feminine: the victim, the rageful, the vengeful. And I have seen the ugly side of the masculine psyche in myself. A few weeks prior to meeting Chameli, my wife, something deep and profound shifted in me, which I believe can shift for anyone in the same way.

3. “I don’t have a partner at all, and I sometimes doubt if I’ll ever meet anybody.”
Being with a partner where worship is not flowing, or not being with a partner at all, are basically two aspects of the same situation: you’ve had an intuition or a glimpse of the possibilities of a deeper love, and you want more of it. The solutions are the same.

4. “I feel my heart is closed down. I live in my head a lot, and I wouldn’t even know what worship was if it broke into my house at 2 o’clock in the morning and held me at gunpoint.”
That’s where the whole thing starts for all of us, when we realize that we don’t yet know how to love. And that’s that the big question that you have to consider: “Is that okay with me?” Never mind how much money you make, or how many friends you have on Facebook, no matter how nice a house you live in, or no matter how big a car you drive, no matter how impressive your partner’s bust size, or how much you meditate and become spiritual… have you loved for real, in a total and undefended way? If not, and here’s where you have to be honest with yourself, is that OK with you? Is it OK to die one day without the heart’s gift having been fully given?

Eight or nine years ago, I came to that question in myself, exactly that, and I discovered that the answer was, if I was was raw and vulnerable and uncomplicated, that it was actually not OK. If I died one day without having fully loved, it would not have truly been a life well lived.

Many many years ago, I went to Bali for a vacation, on my own. I met up with some other young travelers there and we hired a Jeep to take us on a tour of the island. We drove up right to the highest point of the island, where Tourists don’t usually go. Our guide took us to one of the most sacred temples. It was surrounded by a big brick wall with an ornate entrance. After removing our shoes and wrapping scarves around our heads, we stepped together through this entrance. Inside, there was a short courtyard and then another brick wall with another entrance. After more preparations of lighting incense and giving offerings, we stepped through the second entrance. We were allowed to go through the opening in one more wall, but that was it. All together there were ten walls around the deity in the middle. Hindus could go beyond the fourth wall. Devotees of that particular deity could go beyond the fifth wall, and so it went on. The only people allowed to approach the deity directly were those who had given their lives completely and totally to its worship. Everyone else could come a little closer, a little closer, to the innermost beauty, but not all the way to the center.

I’m not a big believer of the worship of statues, but there’s a beautiful symbolism to what I saw there, because a woman’s heart is just like that. At the essence of every woman’s heart is the divine feminine. It contains everything that has ever been beautiful, or lovely, or inspiring, in any woman, anywhere, at any time. The very essence of every woman’s heart is the peak of wisdom, the peak of inspiration, the peak of sexual desirability, the peak of soothing, healing love. The peak of everything. But it’s protected, for good reason, by a series of concentric walls. To move inwardly from one wall to the next requires that you intensify your capacity to devotion, and as you do so, you are rewarded with Grace. This is not something you can negotiate verbally with a woman. She doesn’t even know consciously how to open those gates herself. They are opened magically and invisibly by the keys of worship.

If you stand on the outside of the outermost wall, all you have available to you, like many other unfortunate men, is pornography. For $1.99 a minute, you can see her breasts, maybe her vagina, and you can stimulate yourself in a sad longing for deeper love.

Step through another gate, and she will show you her outer gift-wrapping. She’ll look at you with a certain twinkle in her eye. She’ll answer your questions coyly. She’ll give you just the faintest hint that there is more available.

Step through another gate with your commitment, with your attention, with the small seedlings of devotion, and she’ll open her heart to you more. She’ll share with you her insecurities, the way that she’s been hurt, her deepest longings. Some men will back away at this point. They realize that the price they must pay to go deeper is more than they are willing to give. They start to feel a responsibility. But for those few who step though another gate, they come to discover her loyalty, her willingness to stick with you no matter what, her willingness to raise your children, stick up for you in conversation, and, if you are lucky, even pick up your dirty socks now and then. And so it goes on. You’ve got the gist by now.

Somewhere around the second wall from the center, she casts the veils of her personality aside, and shows you that she is both a human being and also a portal into something much greater than that. She shows you a wrath that is not hers, but all women’s. She shows you a patience that is also universal. She shows you her wisdom. At this point you start to experience the archetypes of women, who have been portrayed as goddesses and mythological figures in every tradition.

Then, at the very center, in the innermost temple itself, all the layers of your devotion are flooded with reward all at once. You discover the very essence of the feminine, and in a strange way that is not exactly romantic, but profoundly sacred all the same, you realize that you could have got here with any woman if you had just been willing to pass through all the layers of initiation. Any woman is every woman, and every woman is any woman at the same time. When you love a woman completely, at the very essence of her being, this is the one divine feminine flame. It is what has made every woman in history beautiful. It’s the flame behind the Mona Lisa, and Dante’s Beatrice, and yes, also Penelope Cruz and Heidi Klum. You discover the magic ingredient which has lead every man to fall in love with a woman.

When you learn how to pay attention to the essence of the feminine in this way, you fall to the floor in full body prostration, tears soaking your cheeks and clothes, and you wonder how you could have ever taken Her, in all of Her forms, for granted even for a second.

So just a couple small questions remain. First, do you get what I’m talking about? Does it jive for you? Does it make sense? And second, if yes, how are you going to get from where you are now to being able to the full capacity of your heart to love for real? I’d be glad to share more about this if we get to know each other better, but here’s how you get started.

First, do what I did, and create an altar in your room dedicated to Divine Feminine. Put only symbols of the feminine on it. I have a painting called “Beatrix” by Dante Gabriel Rossetti. I have a statue of Quan Kin. Populate your altar with anything that reminds you of the feminine, and spend a few minutes of the day in worship. Yes, worship. Adoration. Devotion. Offer up rose petals. Offer poems. Offer everything, and beg Her to reveal Her innermost essence to you. This will work miracles whether you’re single and waiting to meet the right woman or whether you’re already in relationship and long to meet your woman in a deeper way.

The second way to get started: make a practice, a discipline, of telling your woman, or any woman, ten times a day something which you adore about her. “I love the smell of your shampoo.” “I love the way you laugh.” “The color of your eyes is so beautiful.” Of course, you need to keep it appropriate. You can go as far out on a limb as you like if you’re in relationship with a woman, but with anyone else remember the gates. Keep you communication appropriate to the gate number that you find yourself at. Appreciation the curve of a woman’s breast, for example, if she happens to be the cashier at the supermarket, would equate more to harassment than worship.

So here’s enough to get started. Of course, there’s a lot more we can say about this. Feel free to post your comments below, and I’ll use them as the foundation for future blogs.”


This is something I copied off of Fetlife…love it.  From the group “submissive males and the Women who love them”   A wonderfully written statement by Ms Lyn.  When something is this well written and expressed…why try to re-create something that is perfect?  I applaud and giver Her full credit for words of wisdom, thank you, Ms Lyn.

“What do you mean when you offer to serve? What do you mean when you offer to BE of service? What do mean when you offer yourself in servitude?

Do the answers to these questions bring up visions of you being bound helplessly while being exquisitely tortured, teased to the verge of orgasm?

Do you envision some Amazon Goddess sporting a huge strap-on taking you anally?

Do you envision yourself prancing around in some French Maid Costume and being asked to provide oral service to a Mistress?

Do you envision some Woman squatting over your helplessly bound body “forcing” you to serve Her orally?

Or do you envision being put over Her knee and spanked like a naughty little boy?

Yes, nice visions aren’t they? However, not one of those visions is the definition of “serve”, “service” or “servitude”.

Oh, I’m sure many subs consider them to be just that, but if you check your dictionaries you won’t find any mention of French Maid Costumes, bondage, strap-ons, oral sex, or any other fetish you may enjoy.

In fact you won’t find any mention of fetishes at all in the definitions

Serve is defined as:

  1. to work for, be a servant;
  2. to act in a specific capacity;
  3. to place food before, wait on;
  4. to be of assistance to.

Service is defined as:

  1. the occupation or duties of a servant;
  2. the act or means of serving;
  3. duties performed as an occupation.

Servitude is defined as:
Submission to a master; slavery.

When you offer to serve a FemDom, what you are offering (or should be offering) is the surrender of your control. You should know Her well enough to trust Her with your life. When you offer your servitude to Her, you are telling Her that you trust Her judgment, you trust Her to keep you safe from harm, you trust Her to know what is best for both of you, you trust Her decisions and desire to follow Her orders and obey Her in all things.

Your offer of service is your ability to let go of your ego and your free will (control) and allow Her to control you.

Serving is, first and foremost, the act of making Her life easier. It is compliance with all Her desires, wishes, orders. Yes, BD/SM and fetish play, more than likely, will be included as part of the relationship. But overall, the D/s aspect of the relationship will be where you have turned your control over to Her and you do as She says. It is about pampering Her and catering to Her.

Everyday life will be a part of this, for most people do have to work, bills do have to be paid, people need to see doctors occasionally, and dentists. Then there are family get togethers, family emergencies, social gatherings with vanilla friends and also with D/s friends. For the most part, life will seem pretty vanilla, but there will be one difference. IF you have truly submitted, then your actions will be measured by how your Mistress would feel about it. Your decisions will be based upon what you are allowed, or not allowed to decide without Her permission. You will treat others with respect, but especially other women. You will consider that your actions would reflect back upon your Mistress, and therefore act in a manner that would make her proud of you. There may be other constant reminders, she may insist you wear panties under your clothes at work. But you will always remember that you have submitted to her and will honor that commitment.

How can you serve your Mistress – what are the ways?

Here are some suggestions:

  • Make sure Her home is clean and neat.
  • Make sure Her clothes are clean and neat.
  • Prepare Her favorite foods for her.
  • Prepare Her bath.
  • Rub Her feet after She comes in from working all day.
  • Offer Her a massage if Her day was very stressful.
  • Offer to do Her manicure and pedicure.
  • Have Her favorite music playing or find Her favorite show or movie on TV.
  • Surprise Her with flowers.
  • Serve Her coffee as soon as She gets up in the morning.
  • Ask what clothing She wants laid out for Her.

These are just a few of the ways you can serve Her once you have been trained in what She wants and likes. Don’t be afraid to use your imagination to surprise Her (provided of course that She has no problem with you doing this occasionally).

A happy, contented, pleased, relaxed Woman is a Woman who will then have no problem torturing you, using you, or even indulging you with a fetish or two that are your favorites…………just to show you how much She really appreciates your service and submission to her.

So, what are you offering?

Personal service only (oral, massage, bathing)?

Play sessions only (spankings, facesitting, strap-on, whippings, cbt)?

Domestic service only (household chores, errands)?

OR are offering the whole package?

These are the things you need to be clear about in your own mind first and foremost before approaching a Mistress and offering to “serve” Her. Along with how committed you wish to be to the D/s relationship, if at all.”
MsLyn


“Man is the one who desires, woman the one who is desired. This is woman’s entire but decisive advantage. Through man’s passions, nature has given man into woman’s hands, and the woman who does not know how to make him her subject, her slave, her toy, and how to betray him with a smile in the end is not wise.” Didn’t Sacher-Masoch, answer all our questions?

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